I feel like maybe I'm going to go crazy here any day and end up killing myself.?

God never leaves or forgets any of us! Please believe that. I'm only in high school and probably have no say in this, but perhaps you're looking too hard for someone. Maybe you should find other sources of happiness first, like joining a social club of some sort or even getting a dog! (Really, you should get a dog, they're great! :D) Everything happens for a reason, and I think that maybe those girls you've talked to in the past aren't that special someone created just for you. Be patient, I think you're a really nice guy, and the right girl will find YOU!